I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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