I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
