Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
