I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
