I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
