i will never coherently bang her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
