He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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