a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
