My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize