What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
