If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
