You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
