Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize