you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
