Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
