he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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