Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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