I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
