nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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