Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
