we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
