where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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