Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
