I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
