New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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