my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
