She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
