Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
