He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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