oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize