we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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