so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
birth control should be required to get into college
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
