bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
