no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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