I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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