I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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