did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize