oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
