didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
