So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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