I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
