Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
