i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
