If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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