its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
