shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
