I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
