Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
