Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You can't special order awesome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
