Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
