What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
