Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
