I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
