I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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