Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
