We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
