Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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