: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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