Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
