Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
