He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
