i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize